If the world were according to me

Sometimes it’s hard for me to decided which to use more.  My head and heart are usually never on the same page.  People usually can tell which one I use more often. As a child love was never something I gave credit to.  However, somewhere at the age of 16, I decided to skip my twenties and go for serious relationships.  How’s that working out? Well I am still waiting for the rest of society to mature past their 20’s as well.  The road to love has always been a difficult one, I guess for me there is no use denying it is hard too.  I don’t know why it should be though.  Most people don’t make my heart skip a beat, and if they do, well then chances are they are models or unobtainable people.  

I suppose ultimately what it comes down to is a case of ‘The Rest of the World versus Me.’  The world has sent countless people to get to me, (albeit most of them want to get into my pants) but pretty much with anyone I usually give attention too, something happens and A.) They stop talking to me permanently or B.) We become good friends, and they go off and find someone else.  This is why I feel I am the rebound guy.  The guy you just go to after you break up with someone, and as Sex and the City stated so well ‘you don’t date the rebound guy.’  Now what it doesn’t talk about is rebound guys in general.  Sure some of them are great rebound people, most of them are just into people for the sex, and thus when you need them most of them won’t care if you found a man while on the street right outside their apartment.  But what about the guys who had no choice, people who despite what they know they should think, want something more.  Are these people destined to live a life of being single forever?

I guess the reason I am bringing this up is because, recently someone started talking to me.  Well call him Sam for the time being.  Now Sam showed up on probably an odd day.  I don’t believe in fortune tellers, sure I like astrology as a passing fan, but I don’t obsess about it.  So when MYB decided to give a free reading from a third party I jumped on it, just for curiosity sake.*  In the email that followed it said that August 5th something was going to happen to change my love life forever.  Judging by the fact that the email went on, it wasn’t something that would have killed me, so with that I had the August 5th date in my head.  On August 5th, Sam came in.  

I can’t tell if this is because of Sam or the fortune tellers email, but I didn’t get much sleep that night.  I did fall asleep around 1:30 and then back at 2:30, then 3:30 and so on.  When I woke up, the next day, I messaged Sam, and we had day full of conversation.  Now, here is the thing about me.  I spend so much time dealing with other peoples problems, and focusing on other people, that a lot of times when someone new comes into my life, I can sometimes be a little focused on my self.  This happens usually one of two ways.  I tend to be on a downer from lack of self time, and so I talk bad about myself (most people see this as a confidence booster and usually stop talking to me afterwards) or two, we find common ground and I end up turning them off of the subject, by being a know-it-all.  Was in an option 1 sort of mood.  I guess I still am.  

Now despite what Sam says on anything, he is more popular than me.  He post a picture of himself and while it isn’t a ton of comments, he gets on average about 5 comments, and 5 likes on his posts.  While I get nothing most of the time.  (If I do it’s usually spam.)  One of the biggest things I find weird with Sam is he’s choosing me.  I am not good looking, I am so screwed up, and yet he is choosing me.  I am sure though that this will be like everyone else though….using me, to get back on their feet, a confidence boost because they know they can do better.  I should know, people don’t settle for me.  Not when they have the whole world of opportunity out there waiting for them.

*The fortune teller was of course a hoax after the free reading

The summer sun beat on me as I got out of the car.  It was the last weekend of July, and as was tradition, I was headed to the Dragonboat Festival.  The day was in the upper 80’s which while warm is tolerable.  I stepped out of the car, and walked around to the other side where Brina, was stepping out of the car in her recently purchased Yukata.  It looked good too, better than the one she had received a few years ago from an Oriental Gift shop. 

We wandered around the festival for a little while.  Brina had money on her, so she could spend more than I could, I guess those are the perks of having a part time job. I have always been job less, its one of the many lots in life that I don’t have a job, like a relationship.  I have searched for jobs, applied and even called back for a few interviews, the problem is timing.  The month of March is one of the most chaotic for me, and in this economy you have to plan 3-4 months ahead if you want that summer job.  

My brother joined us after a while, his weekly comic book meeting was short this week, so he could have some fun after his meeting.  (He was also my ride home.) This pretty much was how the rest of the day played out.  The next day, I returned with some different friends, but nothing of interest happened.  

The Dragon Boat Festival serves many purposes to me.  Not only is a great opportunity to hang out with friends, but it is probably the last ‘for fun’ thing I get to do before NDK. 

NDK is the biggest anime convention of the year! Mainly for people in the Colorado area, and this year was no exception.  This year, for me, was the first year I was going to cosplay, not just a closet cosplay (its a cosplay taken and made from the clothes in your closet) but a real cosplay, hand made (by my good fashion friend Jen) and perfect for me.  Her name was Hanyuu, and she is the spirit of Oyashiro from the series Higurashi no Naku Koro ni Kai.  I loved her, and the best part about her, is I could cosplay her (as she didn’t have much of a chest).

In the days that followed the Dragon Boat Festival, certain events occurred,  the biggest being, I became the last single person on earth, (or so it felt.)  Most of my friends have been in relationships, some are, and some it didn’t work out.  I am the only one of my friends who has been actively looking, yet still single.  Normally this wouldn’t have bothered me so much, but for several reasons this just threw me back.  For one, it had been someone that I had been close with for about a year, and two, they didn’t tell me, I found out on my own.  It took me two full days to let this out of my system.  Now, what is the last single person to do?

STEP RIGHT UP! COME ONE, COME ALL! TO THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH, WE WELCOME YOU TO THE FIRST ACT IN THIS MODERN TRAGEDY. THE LIFE, THE LOVE, THE HUMOR, THE PAIN, OF MICHAEL BOVE!

Imagine you are walking into a circus tent, not very clean, but for a circus the dirt seems right.  You pass through the first layer of curtains into a dimly lit room. You hear dim music in the background.  In that room, a clown, with a face that can only tattoo itself into your brain comes out of the shadows.  He reaches out, and grabs the other layer of curtains, where he pulls, and as he does, a bright light shines on you. The music that once seemed like it was miles away, suddenly sounds like you walked into the orchestra pit.  The lights and colors flash all around, you turn to leave this horrible circus, but you can’t as the doors have vanished.  You turn, and find a seat in the bleachers.  Suddenly, someone comes out and the music dies down, and welcomes you to the show.

Welcome one, welcome all.  To the greatest show on earth, unlike anything else you have seen before in a circus, we welcome you to the only traveling circus that has stayed in the same spot for 19 years.  But as we do, we tell a story. Every night, we make that story just a little bit longer, and as some of the older details leave the stage never to come back, more enter.  This circus grows, and changes. So welcome.  

The story of this show, is that of a lonely man, trying to find his place in the universe.  19 years old, and single, this gay man is our narrator .  Can’t seem to find his lot in life.  Poor fool, what can you do?  We are going to follow him, and we are going to enter his mind.   Enter his thoughts, and maybe you too will see his key to his heart.  

As I said before this story grows, and as such, no character, other than our main is definite. As such, we cannot introduce more than his character now, but don’t worry, even you viewers someday might have a role in this play.  

The story takes place where ever you want.  But in our case we are taking place in the little ol’ state of Colorado.  A ho-hum little state that big things happen in. But since we are in a circus, nothing is definite, so put this where your little minds will. 

Sit, back relax, and enjoy the show.